Probably Approximately Correct

It was one of those SToC discussions. The discussion kept going on and on. We would usually end at 9:00pm but on this day we were so deeply involved that we lost track of time until Srinathan gets a call from him his home and stick from his mom for working late into the nights, thereby disturbing his biological clock and appetite. However, me  Anuj and Piyush continued with our pursuits into the unknown. By the time Srinathan left and we decided to call it a day, each of us was completely drained and more than that we could also feel the pain. No, no .. not the mental pains or the pains that we usually encounter in our life at college. This was literally physical. We could feel the aches by a mere look at our exhausted faces inching to get back and crash into bed. It was at this point, I see a skeletal like structure(which reminded me of Gollum), towards the end of the corridor in a shallow beam of light. This creature was not just walking towards us but, indeed,  approaching us in a funny way(probably even dancing). Over somemore time, I was also able to hear a husky voice and as it came towards me it got louder and I would say very loud, clear and distinct. It, however, took me a while to realize that it was singing the following: “korbo lorbo jeetbo re, korbo lorbo re jeetbo re, jeethbo re”   - the theme song of  Kolkata Night Riders. He was full of  energy and was literally dancing. He comes up to Anuj and gives him a hug.  Let me tell one more thing about myself -  I hate showing any emotions publicly, more precisely public displays of affection. Upon looking at this act of his, I tried to avoid him. But, he did not give me any chance to dodge his hug. Anuj says, “What dadu, you seem to be busy these days, Deek nahi raheho.  Looks like Dada is sacked from the one day squad!” And this guy replies back in a confident tone - “He will be back.” It was when I realized that Pranav does something else apart from giving speeches, framing policies and sitting before a computer reading politics and other stuff on e-governance. But, I was too tired (at that point of time) to even have a word or two with him. However it was, at least I would say so, the start of a new age for me. The beginnings of the Pranavian influence on me. Influence on all fronts  not limiting to any specific topic/issue. For the next 12 to 18 months, he literally teaches the different perspectives (ways) the world has and how to understand and corelate the different interpretations of a single incident — “Ekam Sat, vipra Bahuda Vadanhi” — Truth is one, but it can interpreted in many ways.  It was an emphatic experience all through. It was during this period, saw a lot of him. He claims, himself, to a very romantic fella (I never understood on what grounds :P). There are several other interesting things which  I have unearthed about Pranav during this phase (more in the sequel).

On that fateful evening, after my encounters with Prof. J, I was completely down and out. I was basically shell shocked at the indecent comparisons drawn by a senior Prof, holding an office of responsibility. I think, even during the meeting I was baffled and astonished;  the smile towards the end of the meeting on my face was a signature of resignation. Resignation to the fact that even highly qualified, experienced personnel do err and can lose their temperament. In those low times, I ran into Pranav. By a mere look on my face, Pranav could see there was something that was troubling me. I narrate him the entire incident and then I start giving my interpretations of the incident. All my attempts were basically aimed at finding faults on the side of the Prof. J. I started flaming him and rather more than that, started making him a scapegoat for all my misfortunes. It was at this point of Pranav interrupted me and says, “Why don’t you look at the entire incident in the following light — Just look at what Proj J sees. He sees you as a student who is interested in academics(based on your articles, decent CG, good performance in placements etc.). At the same time, he sees that you are highly unstable? Why? You were never with the same professor for more than 4-5 months. Look at this entire scenario from the eyes of a third person — He sees, you have an urge to do well but for some reason you are extremely indecisive . And I hope you are aware of the Hamlet by Shakespeare in which the lead role is plagued by indecisiveness. His indecisiveness took him to such an extent that he even doubted his existence(to be or not to be; that is the question). Look my dear fella, indecisiveness is a crime, its a disease. However, there is very little doubt that the analogies made by him are horribly bad and may be even ridiculous. But for me, you have to take the intent and leave the rest. One thing that is sure is the fact that Prof. J cares about you. For otherwise, he has got time to do better things rather than call you into his chamber for 45-50 mins and give his piece of wisdom for you. His intensions should not be doubted. However, I suggest you should send a mail to him, indicating that you understand what Prof J meant for speak. And then tell me that the execution could have been better. You should certainly make a point to him.” Upon the inspiration received, I sent the following mail to Prof. J –

Dear Sir,

I am deeply grateful for the concern that you have for me. All along during our discussion yesterday, I could not understand the reasons as to why our meeting went the way it went. I tried thinking about it, and in retrospect these are a few thoughts which occurred to me and I felt I must share with you:

Firstly, I felt that you wanted to put me on my guard about being indecisive, and the high penalty one may have to pay owing to indecision. I am greatly indebted to you for the concerns that you share for me. Perhaps the best example of indecision leading one’s own doom is Shakespeare’s Hamlet. I will be extremely cautious and would like to avoid any amount of indecisiveness in future.

Secondly, I would like to mention that throughout my interviews at Google and Amazon, I have firmly stated my stance to the interviewers that I will not join them if I were to pursue my higher education and I am attending the interview as I have not made up my mind as yet. The interviewers were fine with my predicament, and I think that though I broke the rules of IIIT-H in their letter, I feel I always respected their spirit.

Finally, I beg to differ with your analogy of Changing Professors to marriage relationship and then changing wives;  I rather think a chameleon changing its colors, in search for a best environment to spend its time,is better suited for my case.

Thank you, once again, wholeheartedly for your concern and care for me.

Yours Sincerely,
Prasant Gopal

Apart from this , I could not respond to him in that meeting as I did certainly break the rules at IIIT (in various forms like skipping BTP viva’s etc.) and hence I thought that firing in that meeting would just make things worse for me and hence, I preferred silence to some form of attack. There was a small story which Yaso keeps telling me often. The best part of this story is that it has multiple take home points. He starts as  follows -

Dear Prasant, let me tell you the story of a small bird. This small bird goes for a ride over the high mountains. However, due to fierce cold winds suffers a frost bite, gets paralyzed and falls down into a small settlement at the foot of the mountains. The thoughts of the bird go as follow - Ohh… God. What a miserable state to be in. In the harshest of the winters, I fall from the highest of the cliffs and now the shivering. In this setting, a bull dumps its dung on this little bird..plummb. The birds situation gets worse, its already shivering and amidst all this, now being submerged in a pool of dung. But alas, its not all that bad is it? The bird felt. It started reveling in the warmth of the dung. Unable to contain the excitement, it immediately stuck its head out of the dung and started singing ..lala lala lala.. (happily). Upon hearing this song a cat (nearby) came  up to the bird, observed it keenly, caught hold of it, gave it a wash in a splash of water and (chepauk…) dropped it into its mouth! And I ask, “So?” And Yaso says, “Thats the end. This story emphasizes the following points” -

Point 1: Not everyone who has put you in an uncomfortable position or made your state miserable is your enemy.

Point 2: Not everyone who has made you feel comfortable is your friend. Never know what is in store for you.

Point 3: When you in a miserable state (that is, when you are in deep shit) you should shut your mouth and sit. Especially, avoid singing :P

Even till this day, I am awaiting a response from Prof. J for my mail!

It was around this time, we as a group started reaping the (harvest) efforts of our training period and workouts. We were able to get an interesting and a fundamental result. Buoyant from the fresh success, we started aggressively on newer fronts and in new directions. For the next month or so, we decided not to meet as a group anymore and rather, try to work on problems at an individual level.

In this sem, I was totally satisfied with my performance as a TA. We were able to give an excellent course to students. It was at this point, I felt I understood the gaps in the system. I realized the missing links. I was desperate to tell my fellow students about the lessons I learnt. I was also keen that they would not be making the same mistakes which I have committed. I have done all the hard work and all I wanted was the right occasion. It was a precisely at this point, Sri Harsha Bavirisetti came up to me and asked me to speak on the occasion of the farewell of 2008 pass outs. I couldn’t hide my happiness. It was the opportunity and I wanted to use it carefully. All I wanted was a stage to set myself on fire!

On the day of farewell, I managed to put up a decent effort in. The theme I chose was the following - “Avoiding mediocrity in at least one aspect of  life.” Along the way, I also touch my experiences as a TA and also “On what ails the courses at IIIT”.  For the sake of completeness, I intend to post the “farewell speech” as a follow up(almost immediately). I also feel that after having read the entire  sequence of events from my side, the readers will be in a better position to appreciate the sense in which it was made. A copy of the same is here

As the farewell fever subsided, the excitement of the batch trip took over. We were all rearing to go. I was expecting to have a blast after a relatively successful year and also the fact that most of us would be dispersing as per their priorities. So, it was an emotional one as a well. I was making plans at full throttle. It was a trip to the north of India. It includes stops at Shimla, Kullu, Delhi and Agra. It will be my first experience to go to a place and witness snowfall. I was totally excited. Me and Ravi go for a shopping and get the necessary things. Everything is ready. We shall be leaving tomorrow! It was at this point things turn ugly and I drop out of the batch trip on the penultimate day! Why did it happen to me? Do I hate fun and the excitement? Or am I a moron who can’t tolerate so many people enjoying? Was I summoned by Proj J or someone else (recall that sofar, I haven’t started Compilers project)? Or is there  another twist in my story?

Next up .. Summers 08