Probably Approximately Correct

It has been eons since I blogged. The reasons, however, are not really worthy of being listed. It has been nearly 6 months since I arrived at MIT. I thought it is a good time to recollect the good old days of the past and the new ME which started to emerge from the old ME.

The biggest test for an individual is when he at crossroads. Not the physical ones - physical ones only take you to a wrong destination. There is, of course, the disappointment in not reaching the destination; however on the brighter side, during the journey - you never realize you were on road to a different destination than you set out for. Thus, at any point you do not have contradictory feelings. You either feel great or bad at not being at your desired destination.

The crossroads I am referring to are the emotional and the intellectual ones - When I look deep inside me these days - I can see the reconstruction going on. Slowly but steadily, the old self and more importantly, the old code that I was running while at IIIT is being transformed. Since the last few days, I can sense it - there is an realization deep within. The realization goes deep; so deep that it begins to question the very purpose - which I started with.

I know deep inside that I had my share of luck in getting the admit. I know tons of peers around me (while at IIIT) who could tear me apart in an technical event/debate and more so in a non-technical stuff. Elaborating more, the days at IIIT were spent in trying to be someone whom I was not. Very few people, know what I was. Probably, Yaso (?) I cannot guarantee even that!

The quest while at IIIT can be summed up as - “Attempts to be indistinguishable from the best/average in the class, that is to get into Grade A or B (if you were settling to be at class average).” Most of my classes fall in this category :-) There were things I cared about to be indistinguishable from the top and also stuff I cared so little that I would settle for a ‘B’ or even a ‘C’.

While at MIT - this philosophy has been literally torn apart into pieces. Well, it all started with the same goal. Until one fine day, when someone called me up and asked me to talk about something (which I happened to study the previous term). It was here that I felt humiliated for not giving a suitable answer for the various questions posed - Why this, Why not this, What if I change the parameters, What if I skip this etc. etc. It was then I realized that one should learn for the joy of things and for seeking a better understanding of things/apparatus around you. This, of course, is a minor thing. But, certainly a point which requires you to introspect if you want to do something meaningful.

Well, this is not a great change and many would say - “Expected, given the lad has taken up a study at the graduate level”. I was satisfied with this answer for a couple of months. But, then you see the undergrads performing really well at various grad course in MIT - how is that happening over here (?)! It was then I realized that the difference stems from the methodology of teaching. At places like MIT, courses are offered for helping out the average and improving the skill of an average student. The aim is to let him understand, learn and apply things. More importantly, the onus of the course is not to finish the stipulated pages/chapters in the text book. This, I think, is the cause No. 1 for the failure of graduate school in India. There are far too many courses - whose sole purpose is to finish the book rather than measuring the knowledge imparted to an average student in the class.

The professors usually come to class with the intend of finishing a topic. However, in retrospect the objective should be that student understands the topic and will be able to use it when needed. For this to happen, he needs to understand the purpose of a course - say something like DS/AI/Discrete Maths - what is this particular course taught, what questions a course is trying to answer etc. Once they an idea of that - they can extend their knowledge. The entire process must be made joyful. But once, the student has lost the joy of learning - I am sure he can never reach the top of the summit. I think this happens to most of the students by the end of their 2nd year! But the management thinks otherwise - research is the quest. Asking them to be researchers on a topic after they miss the joy would be like -

Wanting to play in football WC and win the final. Well, you know if you are in the finals - corners, free-kicks, crosses and penalty kicks matter the most. So, everyday we get into the field and start practicing penalties. But, the problem is that for the match to go to penalties you should have lasted 90+ mins on the pitch. No matter how good are your skills - if you cannot manage to run around 10kms over the 90 mins - you cannot match the opponent. The most important thing is to train, run, sprint, go to the gym - put in around 2-3 hours over there to gain the physical strength and the mental endurance to last for the complete match.

But, we seem to be suggesting the other way round - we do not want stamina and the long hours of work out at gym. But, rather feel we only need good skills at taking penalties. It is but for obvious that we are bound to fail as we will not last the entire match.

I personally feel this is where we are heading - students are not lasting at 4/5 years in their complete academic health. They are exhausted and want to go out. They do not train themselves well as the training philosophy is flawed. Unless, the courses turn into centers of knowledge transfer and take care of the average student and the content imparted to him - the students can never have the mental strength/training required to last for the entire duration. But training is hard - only way we can make it a habit is if we make learning a fun and joyful activity. So, the heart of the problem is the Pedagogy methodology being used! Unless, they mend their aims and concentrate on creating an ambient atmosphere in class - the student cannot last the 4-5 years of under-graduation leave alone creating better graduate programs. As Edison rightly said - Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. You need the patience, perseverance needed along the journey.

So, what crossroads was I referring - All this seems good and someone from outside would say - “I think you are making progress, so what is the problem.” Well, the problem is that you carry the images of a joyful life - Imagine life at under-grad: All I waited for in the day was the midnight biryani and a couple of movies and scores of friends and people around you willing to spend time exactly as what you are imagining it to be! And the life now - you have lots of time, alright and also lots of other interesting stuff! But, all of it comes with a caveat - the caveat is that the higher you get, a tag of (increasing) responsibility is attached and you have to take of too many things. People around you expect you to be making a choice based on interest and expect you to be mature! As you get deeper into life - the more of all this is expected. So, I can see myself in both states almost all through the day - happy for a certain set of things and also sad for a different set of things. You fear what you may become in future.

Things suddenly appear worthless and you starting doubting the goals you have set for yourself. You can see the good old days and at the same time the need to move on leaving the past behind. The future (if reached) might be equally joyful and great once you are there. But, it is the journey which puts all your character to test. I think it is all in the mind. It is the mind which plays around with you and keeps teasing by showcasing various things - things which are only good during imagination.

The folklore is that the journey apparently is tough and very few have managed to get through it. There is also the other section which says, “Never take life seriously - nobody has come out of it alive!” I really do not know any of this - All I wished was that I remained a child throughout. Irrespective of all this I join in unison with Bill Gates to say - “Life is unfair my friend, Get used to it.”