Probably Approximately Correct

  I can feel it. Feel it rather strongly. It all started in the 2 BTP viva. The viva never seemed to be ending — I tried to explain the definitions and the problem statement to the panel at least 3-4 times and just before I left the room I told the panel the following, “Dear Prof’s I expect the panel to at least go through the report I submitted 2-3 days ago! If at all, you spend sometime on these reports before the viva voice; it will be greatly easier for students.”  To which, Prof. Bezawada says, “Prasant, we get the reports only 2-3 mins before the viva, so there is not much that can be done.” And in the heat of the moment, I say, “Then, why are asked to submit these reports and that too on paper(when a simple e-print would suffice if at all archival was the sole purpose) and left the room.”  But I had never imagined at the moment, the seeds of disbelief towards the entire process to sprout. The seeds which were sown deeply in my head went through an unsupervised growth and burst out as harted towards BTP’s and BTP’s viva’s in particular. For some reason, I was totally unconvinced by the process and all that hate was spit out in Prof. Kishore’s Cabin that day. 

After that incident though there was peace at heart, the road ahead seemed gloomy (rather I did not see any road ahead).  There was onething in the last sem (6th), however, that I did with full intent. That was the TAShip and I had one person, in Dr. K. Srinathan, who had trusted me to such an extent that he gave me complete rights over his course. And I was sure I did not put him off completely. There were numerous occasions during the TA when we sat and discussed. Most of the times, these discussions were rather arbit and did not have any specific direction/orientation. There was one specific discussion (proabably the only one in which we went technical), however, in which (myself and Bhavani  were mere spectators) he showed some magic and said the following, “Prasant, if you solve this problem on graphs, then we shall have a breakthrough!” At that point (probably because of abundance of options), I never paid any heed to that. Destiny, you see, takes you to  the most unlikely places and puts you through uncharacteristic scenario’s.  

However, probably not surprizingly, the problem turned out to be really tough one to crack.  I sat for hours  together and there was no progress.  Hours turned into days, which in turn into months. There was not an onuce of progress. And as usual, frustration had better of me. I was so frustrated that I used to be looking around the campus for Dr. K Srinathan, in an attempt to find him and give back some of the frustration to him. More often than not he would not respond.  I think that, it is in this process,  I caught the habit of going for long walks towards the Motorola building in an attempt to find him and the habit stuck on. It was not uncommon to find me in that corridor. It was in one of those interactions that I shouted at him saying, “Hey, Whats wrong with you and this problem? Both of them aren’t responding. It has been months since I was sitting on it and it is as stubborn as you are if not more!”  Srinathan gives back a smile to me and follows up saying, “Dear Prasant,  you need to keep pushing yourself notch by notch upto the ultimate, to the optimum.  You need to get the immersion and more than that the urge to know the answer from the nature. Why immersion? Remember that one can find valuable things only if you venture into the deep sea. By swimming in the shallow waters alone, you cannot find things which are of any decent value. It is only by immersing deep into the problem/area you can get valuable things. Let me tell you a small analogy” –

Why someone is asked to go and live in Himalayas for, say, twelve years is not because if they live in Himalayas the rocks would give them something. It is because he is even willing to waste his life for twelve years , with all kinds of hardships, just to seek Truth about something. If that kind of immersion has come, that man is very close. In a way, it is literally wasting your life. When the whole world is eating well, drinking well and enjoying themselves, you are sitting there in the cold and chanting, “Shiva, Shiva, Shiva”, knowing nothing might happen. If you live there for long enough, you may come to know. Shiva probably will not come and bail you out. In spite of that you stay, because most important thing in life is something else (that is, to train the mind). When that immersion comes in, it does not take twelve years. In one moment, it can happen. This can be the moment.  For instance, Chandrasekhar limit was derived by Chandrasekhar, when he boarded the ship to UK, in about 10 minutes. Its all about the immersion. And nature tests your patience. In my opinion, once nature is convinced you deserve to get solution you get it. Patience is a virtue.

Now, he goes on to explain his philosophy of giving a free hand to students. He says,”India is a big country. It is a developing nation. In order to get the status of a developed nation one of the prerequisites is - Atleast 3% of its population should be researchers.  As of current statistics, less than 0.2% of out population are researchers. Hence, in the current state, it is of utmost importance to create researchers from students rather than make students do research.  It may be possible to make students do research under pressure but it is certainly not plausible to force him to become a reasearcher.  One way to create reseachers is to allow the students to pick up skills and allow them to do things at their pace. It is for this very reason, I give you freedom. Coming back to the problem (which was given to me), I may be able to solve it for you and make an article out of that. But (as a faculty) my objective is not to write an article,  rather it is to groom you in a way so that you can generate new problems, solve them and become a cause for innovation.” 

There was some light as the  summers came to an end; we were able to solve the problem (although partially) and communicate it. The way we wrote that article (overnight)  and posted it just right at the deadline  in a thrilling and an action packed night was a memorable incident to recollect. We(Me, Bhavani and Dr. Srinathan) set out to write the article at around 4:00pm in the afternoon with the deadline at 2:00am in the night. We had to write 10 pages and we somehow managed to finish it by 1:50. That was when we opened the submission portal and it read as follows — “To submit your article, insert the article(as pdf) in the body of the mail and send it to blah.blah.” For me it was a shock, as I never ever heard of inserting an pdf file in the body of the mail!” We started googling so as to get some hunch about the entire process. We are racing against time. At around 1:57, Srinathan came rushing and says, “We need to use the mail command in the Unix environment and can do the required job.” In the nick of time, we uploaded!  Believe me, we didn’t have time even to upload a second version. All of us chilled down and I still remember Srinathan slept in Ritesh’s room. I had to do a night out as the very next morning there was course registration. I went around 6:00 to room and joined my group to begin my 7th semester after some cool summer showers.

In the 7th sem, I was the Computer Programming TA. I was entrusted with the task of managing the evaluator. Again, it was a job i accepted after some thought. To admit, I was not so comfortable with scripting, php, python and other necessary background required for managing. It was for this very reason, I have decided to take up this task. If at all, there is one thing I have learnt in my 6th sem was the following — “Unless you put yourself out of your comfort zone, learning cannot happen. If you are really intent to learn something, then the very first step is to make yourself uncomfortable and face a couple of failures.” In Dr. Srinathan’s words, “If you want to build a 6 pack, you have to fit a weight and break a muscle or two. Irrespective of how many trainers you see working out, unless you send a signal to your brain that the current muscle is not sufficient, you cannot build new muscles.” So, I took it up. I did however took help from Sairam. I take this opportunity to thank him wholeheartedly for putting up with me.  Throughout this sem, I never thought about my BTP. I just left it untouched and moved it into the cold storage!

After the submission of the article, I was back to my wayward ways. The frustration was back, the calmness was missing. It was at this point, I was requested by Aniket (if am not wrong) to be a member in a panel discussion. It was one of those days in which I was in full flow. I made several sweeping statements like — Boring nature of classes, ridiculing the notion of a no computer day, also claimed that in order to get an A a 2-3 hr preparation before the exam is enough for most of the courses, I went on to ask for a examination board in IIIT and  so forth. The questions, however, were never answered. I was at least happy for myself that I made an attempt to pose questions. 

Within a week’s time after the panel discussion, I got the sweet news of the acceptance of the article we sent in the summers. I should accept that I was on cloud 9 for about 10 days. I achieved what I set out for. I met prof. Govindarjulu and in a jovial mood conveyed to him that he has bite back the words/challenges he gave us in the class. He was happy but, when I was about to leave he stung me back saying, “You still haven’t got your compiler’s grade! I think I should you an F.” I grinn at him and reply back saying, “Yes, sir. It is on the way.”  All was well but I turned aimless again. There was however, one thing lying deep at my heart. The major part of the article was written by Srinathan and even though I can claim a slice of share but I was, in a sense, overwhelmed. 

It was at this point, my life started getting some direction and purpose. Srinathan brings up the concept of writing for another conference SToC (Symposium on Theory of Computing). As a I have told you earlier, ToC is one my first loves and also the prospect of writing an article which addresses a problem which was totally conceived and solved by you was too much of a lure to resist (also given, the recently tasted success of submitting an article and the overwhelming feel which was planted after the initial success).  I didn’t think so much when I accepted to take up the task, however, for me it was  a blessing in disguise.

It was at this point, I started to work out of my skin. It was period I slogged. For the next 100 days, we planned to meet regularly at specific times; sit, discuss and create new problems. In each of these days  Srinathan, Anuj, Piyush and me, sat from 11:00am in the morning and only left after 9:00pm. We were so very involved that Srinathan used to accompany us to the lunch at either NBH/Yuthaahar very day. We used to sit and brainstorm on various aspects of computer science. We mostly take this path– Someone makes a conjecture and others around try to prove him wrong by giving/generating a counter example and we would keep iterating over and over again till we reach a point of no return. It was in these discussions, the seeds/origins of the ‘current day me’ were sown. These were vital months for me. The process/schedule was highly demanding. I think it was this heavy process/schedule changed the stars for me. The key thing was sticking to the schedule and making yourself uncomfortable. The result of this process was that the I had enhanced my skill-sets and more than anything else the temperament of problem creation and problem solving. I am actually finding it tough to pin down on what was gained.  What I am, probably, trying to emphasize the effect of reaching a goal along a proper path. The exact word is probably ’sadhana’. To emphasize the advantages of reaching your goal in the hard way, I have a story(there are many versions of the same, but this version is attributed to my dad) –

On a hot, humid afternoon, Yaso set out on his usual tour of Abids, koti, X roads and Gandhi Medical College. Along the way, somewhere near Lingampalli he saw a tall tree. As soon as he saw the tree, he could not resist his natural instincts  of climbing a tree and reaching its top(Sorry Yaso, I had to reveal your origins). He tried several times, but in vain. There was a bull, standing beside the tree. The bull upon looking at Yaso, it could not help itself but burst into laughter. Embarrassed by this entire scenario, he gave it another attempt. But alas, this time he fell at the feet of the Bull. Moved by the entire situation, Bull offered Yaso a solution, which goes as follows — Dear Yaso: if your sole objective is only to climb atop of the tree, I can suggest you something. There is a shortcut to reach there — Eat my shit and the very next moment you will be on the top! Without wasting a split of a second, Yaso grabbed a mouthful and reached the top. But, because of his overweight could not balance himself and fell down with a bang. Unable to control the frustration and anger he charged towards the bull. Bull, being a calm customer, started elaborating Yaso on why he fell down. Bull said, “Dear Yaso, You can take some shit and scale the heights, however you can stay at the highest level only if you have put in the efforts and sustained the necessary hard-ships.” From that day, Yaso realized the importance of choosing the correct path to reach a target.

The results in terms of tangible (visible) output was really poor. On the day of submission, Dr. Srinathan reviews what Anuj and I have written and literally spits fire. This was the first time I saw the other side of Dr. Srinathan and in that state — I feared to look into his eyes! It was similar to a genuine anger of a mother towards her child when the child, say, does something very silly and utterly stupid. He says only a couple of sentences, “Whom are you trying to fool? Is this a proof?” And then there was pin drop silence for about 10-15 mins. After some more time, He suggests we shall not write for this conference and moves into his usual style. Dr. Srinathan, while in his usual self, is jovial and keeps cutting jokes at will and also trying to pull the legs of our beloved Senior(Piyush) and ofcourse, Das. Ironically, most of them are PJ’s ! 

Though I gained a lot during that phase, there was a unhappy feel about the flop show put up on the match(conference) day. And as you have seen time and again, when ever there was a sense of frustration in me, there was a reaction somewhere. This time, it was in the Computer Programming. In the lab test, few students fare badly and send the following mail to Prof. Kamal –

Dear sir,
         During the recent end semester lab exams, I found pupil who are not sure of declaringa 2D Array and not confident of even the basic constructs in C Programming. I morally feel responsible for their state. I feel, I am guilty of ruining the beauty of a course for a group of 240 students. I personally feel that I have failed in disposing my responsibilites as a Tutor and also not living up to the standards.

I, hence request you to stop the payment being directed towards me and also if possible, allow me to debit everything that I have received till now in this package. I am exteremly sorry for the inconvenience caused to you as a result of this. I hope you understand my decision. It has not been easy for me to take such a decision, but I hope you will appreciate it considering the trauma that I went through before eventually taking such a decision.

 Yours Sincerely,
 Prasant Gopal

And pat comes the reply from prof. Kamal –

Dear Prasant,

I would not feel the same. I will be pauper if I feel responsible for all students performance. We should see it in a perspective.

I think each one of us have done our best, and the student who has not performed well has not taken all the help he would need.

Let me tell a story: There was this person traveling in a boat, and there was a big storm, he puts his faith in God and says God will save me. During this time he sees all tortoises swimming back to land and gesturing him to turn back, then he sees a fisher man asking him to get back, then he hears wind blowing asking him turn back, but he does not  go back stating God will save me. Unfortunately, the boat sinks and he expires and faces God, he asks God ‘Why did you not save me?’ God says, I came as tortoise, fisherman, and wind asked you to get back, and you did not. What more could have I done?

Unless until you have taught them a concept wrongly or misled them, it is not your fault only for their performance, it will be first and foremost mine.

So, I would not take that much into heart. But I will provide them support to take help from whomsoever they can without feeling inferior or incapable.

best,
Kamal.

It was a landmark moment for me and more than anything else a realization in, “There is only so much any one can do!” For me, it was a lesson to carry for life. 

Into the 8th sem now, I was the TA for ToC again. It was placement blues for most of my friends. For me, I was so certain that I would not sit for placements that I did not pay my placement fees. For some reason, I had hard wired into me that I would not sit for any company other than Google. Truly speaking, I myself never stood such a stand. Most of the times, I would decide on my instincts! And it was one decision. I had performed a well-left on Microsoft and DEShaw. I was however braced for Google which is up next. So, as a test run I wanted to sit for Amazon. I cleared the written and interviews. The last round was a HR round in which to my surprise the following happens: The director of Amazon, hyderabad turns up and says, “Dear Prasant: We are not sure if you would join us. I think we cannot give work, which suits your profile. You seem to be having a focus on research. We do a lot of work, but I wonder if it will be appealing for you. So, I suggest that you visit us sometime, have a look at our services and the systems and then come to a decision.” Upon hearing this, I was dumbstuck! There was no reaction and it took  me atleast 2 -3 days to come to terms with myself. I was baffled at a sudden upsurge at the respect been shown for my qualities and work. Even before, I was completely out of the shock. I got a shock of my life when I cleared Google as well.  I was shocked for one particular reason, typically in Google’s interview’s you are supposed to code on the spot. But for my luck, I was not asked to code and for that matter I wasn’t even asked a pseudo code.  Along these lines, I have to consider myself lucky. I think the training that I went through had great effects during the placement season. 

Prof. K calls me and suggests, “Now that you are placed, you should go ahead and collect your degree. It will be good if you do that. That will be an end of a chapter.” So, in order to get through my BTP I meet Prof. I and explain my situation, to which he says, “I will take care.” After a fortnight, I see Prof. I in his cabin and he tells me that my file is with prof. J and I have to see me. I wait for Prof. J and as soon as I enter his room –

Prof. J says, “You are the worst student I have seen. And if someone asks me how a student should not be - I have a perfect example in you.  You will be the first example I choose. Do you understand what you have done?  What is wrong with you? Do you understand the relationship between a professor and a student. It is similar to one between a husband and wife. And you kept moving and changing professors. You were with Prof. Kamal, Prof. Govindarajulu, Prof. Prosenjit and now Dr. K Srinathan? What is wrong with you? You have committed a sin. For me, you are no different from a husband  who goes on swapping  and changing wives. Shame on you.”